As I walked to the front door, I wondered what the day would bring. I took a deep breath and sighed. I had to tell myself it would be a great day, and everything would be great. As I walked to the break room to punch in, I saw some of my co-workers. Everyone said good morning. Also some had told me about stories from the weekend, as it was my weekend off.
I walked to the house I was scheduled in for the first hour of the morning, to see which kid I would get ready for school. As soon as i walked in the house one of the children that has to be one-on-one due to agressive behaviors said " Your with me today Chandra!", with a menacing smile on her face. I thought to myself " What a way to start out my day!", with sarcasm. Within the first hour I had been hit half a dozen times, spite on twice, and had to block this child from hitting others. Then it took her for her morning medicine, and dropped her off in her classroom.
When I reached the classroom I was in for the day, all of the children were running around screaming. Just one of those days I wish I had stayed home. Soon it was time for morning snack. All of the kids sat and waited patiently for me to bring them their snack. One child ate his snack as fast as he could, and decided to try and steal someone elses snack. I knew what he would do and anticpated this, so I was already on my feet to block him from getting others snacks. He then started yelling, screaming and crying.
Shortly after snack things got crazy again. One ki was throwing books, and sensory toys around the room, another was tareing paper, and the third was trying to get into a locked cabinet, because he knew there was candy stashed in it. The only time all of them were settled that day, was during snack time or sensory breaks. Children with autism have a need for alot of sensory imput, such as putting scented lotion on their hands so they can smell it, or have toys, which we call fidgets in ehir hands.
It was getting close to the end of the day. At that time we clean the classrooms and have closing. I started cleaning up the kids desks, and had them help me put the chairs up. I began gathering their personal items and put them in their backpacks. Then one by one, I took them on bathroom breaks. I grabbed their bags and put them straps on their shoulders. Then started walking them to the house.
As I was walking the two boys down the hallway, I saw one the teenage girls I also work with. She asked me how my day was, and I told her it was kind of crazy. She then says to me " Well the boy hav smiles on their faces.", I replied "I don't know why, with the day they have had." She then said " Because they got to be with you all day. If I got to be with you all day, I would have a smile on me face too!", and at that very instant that made my day so much better. That one comment reminded me why I choose to work with children with Disabilities and Mental Illness.
Nice essay. I enjoyed getting a glimpse inside your work day, and reading your story.
ReplyDeleteI think it is somewhat difficult in the introductory paragraph to find the thesis or quickly identify with what your essay was going to be about. I do like the first sentence though, maybe if you included some sort of discription or a name to the place you worked I would have understood a little more quickly what you were going to be writing about. I also think if you combined the last to sentences of the introductiory paragraph it might flow more smothly into the next paragraph.
I think your supporting paragraphs are have lots of good information telling us exactly the kinds of things you have to go through and puts us right there with you, but I think that some of them end abruptly and might need something just to round off the end.
There are some minor spelling and gramatical errors that i think putting this into a Word document will easily fix.
In the second paragraph you typed, "As soon as i" I believe this is a typing error. You typed "spite on" do mean she was spiteful to you or she spit on you? You also wrote "Then it took her" do mean then I took her? Third paragraph "One ki was throwing" typo, I'm sure you meant "kid". you typed "alot" it is actually supposed to be two words, a lot. You wrote "which we call fidgets in ehir hands." perhaps you meant to type "their". In the last paragraph you typed "I saw one the teenage" you missed the word "of". "Well the boy hav smiles on their faces" boys, and have are misspelled in this sentence. It is understood that your essay topic is Disabilities and Mental illness, but the way your have written your story lacks proof of why the children like you, to sum up your closing statement. Your narrative is delivered as though you do not like what you do. If you enjoy what you do you might want to point out at least one good thing about your job other than the kids being happy they had you for their day, tell us why you chose this profession. This was not an easy read. It is clear you didn't proof read your work and it seems more like you are just telling about a bad day without a point. What exactly is your thesis? There aren't really any strong sentences to keep the reader interested. There is a clear subject matter but how would you title this essay or this story? I believe your choice of profession is extremely difficult, I can understand how this story is delivered in a negative way. If your intention is to portray that you like what you do, I wish you would write more about the good things about your job. Maybe if you take a step back and re-approach it with a different perspective, you will be able to add positive things if there are any. I hope you take my comments as constructive as they are only written with good intentions to help you create your final product.
ReplyDeleteI connected with your story right away from the first sentance. You made reading very visual and I liked how you tied in dialogue and really bringing your story alive. In the fourth paragraph there was a typo with the word "Kid" and "taring" paper. Your last paragraph stood out to me. Even though you are having a tough day, even if you love your job, you will have stories to tell that aren't easy to read or talk about and its good to get those reminders from people around you.
ReplyDeleteI saw a couple typos in third to last paragraph, other than that a very well-written blog. it kept me interested and immediately i was hooked. since i have 2 kids of my own i understand what its like to clean up after children, though it may not be to your extent. thank you.
ReplyDeleteNice story. I had a litte trouble understanding what the point of the narative was until the end. The reason why you choose to do what you do. Maybe bring in your love for the job sooner and the the struggles with it. . One ki was throwing books, some minor spelling errors here and there. Maybe tell about your struggle to stay possitive throughout the day and how you were feeling as the kids were acting out. I really liked how it ended. Nice.
ReplyDeleteI liked the story from the beginning, I understand how difficult it can be when working with kids with disabilities. I have a cousin with cerebral palsy and another is autistic. I am not going to point out spelling errors because the others have. Just copy and paste into Microsoft Word and it should fix them. Overall I think you did a good job.
ReplyDeleteThis Narrative is structurally sound. You begin with an attention grabber, you show us rather than tell us about the challenges of your job, and you end full circle with a kind of redemption at the end. Some small connections are missing. What happened with the girl you were with at the beginning? Was there a smile on her face at the end? Did she get to school? A transition explanation would be helpful from the time you leave her room to the time you are in the classroom with the other kids. Is she there too? She's an intriguing piece to your story. For one you use the word "menacing" and she hit and spit at you. Don't drop her from your story without some sort of closure. Maybe things didn't end well with her, but final experience somehow made up for it... Obviously, it's important to avoid real names here. But first names--even made up ones--help the reader to connect. You don't have to name all these kids but that first girl is just really prominent. Perhaps the final girl should be named as well.
ReplyDeleteI like it, can really get a feel of how that day went. A couple spelling errors, but not many, good start and I loved the ending. " Your with me today Chandra!", with a menacing smile on her face" was my favorite part
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